Dear Diary,
I'm really tired. i had a refreshing weekend by sailing on saturday despite a difficult morning. it was fun. we sailed from the NSRCC to the Changi Clubhouse. it was really fun even though my boat capsized when i was launching and the wind was ultra puffy and strong. its been a while since i had to hike so hard on the reach.

Monday in school was just a really mundane monday in mundane school. had an add math test anddid the last question *any old how*. i hope i can get a mark or two for that question and that i didnt screw up the first 3 questions or else i am sunk and will have no hope of getting a good grade.

Today i had my e math test. that went ok. i hope i didnt leave anything out or make a bunch of stupid mistakes. if i didnt, i'll get a pretty fantastic mark and that thought has made my day. Chemistry remedial was just chemistry remedial and we did a worksheet. i managed to do it but the concepts are still as clear as my green fish pond.

what am i going to do?? this is the part that really frightens me. I feel as if the world is flying by faster than its supposed to and i cant grab the concepts of my studies as fast as i did last year. i am getting it but really slowly. another thing is i have not been resting fantastically well. even though i'm drop dead tired, my mind can still tell me red blood cells are circular and bi concave in shape blah blah blah. Perhaps God is trying to show me something more. I really wanna know what his plan is for me. i'm dying to know. I think it is vet science but i don't know.

School will be out soon and i'll be off to OBS. Hopefully i'll be able to do some fishing before i go and after come back before term starts.

An Ren

love is...

A song i half learnt while i still sang in the ACMC which is the Anglo Chinese Madrigal Choir or barker choir for short.


Love is patient,
Love is kind,
Love forgives a thousand times,
Love is faithful, ever true.
Love in time makes all things new.
Love is gracious.

Love is strong
Love admits when there is wrong.
Love is tender.
Love is light.
Love Rejoices in the right.

and i cant remember the rest.
got to go find the score sia.

But aren't the words meaningful?
they are descriptions of what love is.
but words cannot Describe God's Love for us.



An Ren

weekend

hello everyone! had a fun weekend. did loads of stuff.
saturday night was just saturday night, i went to the ACJC fun o rama in the day and saw lots of old frenz like bren, heath, robyn, frances, mike naidu etc etc. nice seeing them again sia. Dinner was i cant remember where.

Sunday!!
went to church, came home at the request of mum since she said i should study and guess what? the door to my house was LOCKED! wahaha. so i called mum and said," eh mum! how to study when i cant get to my books? the door is locked! "

studied for about an hour, then went to lunch with Roselyn Jackson who is a missionary and house guest for the weekend and goes tomorrow to i dunno where, Uncle Peck Lim and Auntie Kooi Lian, Dzung and her friend, mum and dad and there was ME! haha.

Lunch was at Vis A Vis at Chun tin road. had the set lunch. Leek soup, Steak for mains, and some chocolate sauce thing. it was fantastic.

After lunch we went to the bird park (Roslyn, Mum, Dad and I) we got there just in time for the 3pm show, i made sure they found their way to the ampitheatre and went off to the hawk walk to say hi to everyone. Shah Greeted me like a long lost friend and indeed i had not seen him for ages! the last visit i had, he was on leave. Everyone was on leave except for Nisham, Pei Yun, Shah and Soon. It was nice to see everyone again. Preperation for the Afternoon show seems much easier than for the morning show. It went really smoothly but unfortunately, the wild brahminy kite did not show itself. Pei Yun finishes her attachement next friday. it will be different when i next return and she is not there. but it was nice when she was around as she was always smiling from ear to ear.

Mum and Dad and Roselyn barely made it to the 4pm show and just managed to see Norman snatch a rubber snake out of the snatching pool. it was a fantastic snatch. I enjoyed myself very much at the show. the brahminy kites were cool, snatching meat mid air. really fast birds they are. very beautiful with a cream to white head and chest, a brownish red body and black feather tips on the wings, they are awesome birds when they soar.

After the show, Roselyn had a photo with Tupa, our malay fish owl. I had a few photos with him too. Owls are lovely birds with a fantastic personality, they sit so still on the fist and seem to be so wise. of all owls i think the most beautiful is probably the fish owl or the barn owl. then again, all owls are beautiful in their own way. anyway, if i end up working with birds of prey, it will not be good to have a favourite. haha.

Dinner was eaten at the SICC Bukit chinese restaurant. it was alright. the company was good!!


anyway, i'm zonked. i'm off to bed now. Good Night.

hope? FAT HOPE, not a chance in oblivion

Dear diary,
its been a tiring week, and its friday night, i'm depressed, i wanna cry, i don't know.

i had my economics test today, it was alright even though i didnt know how to do some questions. I told dad he SEEMED to take it ok but well.. i guess he didnt. well. he had a look at my essay just now and was so super angry with me. i dunno what the heck i did but he started yelling and screaming at me after a while.

he seemed to be extremely angry i was listening to music and MSNing. sigh, its friday night, i've had a few tests, some went ok, some not so ok, but i studied hard for them and he wont believe me. when did i lie? what did i do wrong? what is wrong with me? i told the truth when i did the tests, if they were hard, easy, medium, completely don't know how to do etc.

i did ok for my bio test, practical on cutting up a sheep's heart, and graded assignment. lowest was 70%. maybe its just not good enough. i don't know!!!!! i don't see much around me. i just feel hurt and pain.

well... he asked me a question and i answered back. i dunno wat it was but he slammed me on my bathroom door with the handle on me poor backbone. and it hurt like.. i dunno.. a lot. i almost cried. he also slammed my poor ibm x31 on the floor. its a miracle its alive now.

i don't know what is going on in his mind. is he result focused? i want to know.

Frankly, i think i'm rather depressed now, i hardly see mum, dad seems to be nagging me, i hardly talk to my brother. whats next? my dog runs away? i don't know, i don't want to know. i just want to know,- Where is God? i want comfort and peace.

luve

Ren

...

Today was kinda screwed.
Got back my bio test, scored 15.5/20. miracle aint it?
Dad doesn't seem that happy about it for some reason. in fact today, he seemed very agnry with me. i don't know what i did wrong. Sigh. i put my shoes on the table as i was gonna glue them back together and they got thrown at me. sigh. perhaps dad is not happy that i was not top kid. sigh. even if i'm no top, i can say with a clear concience that i studied hard for the test.

i wonder what will happen next.

tomorrow i've got a chemistry test. friday is economics. sigh. wonder wad else can go wrong huh.


Ren

Happy valentine's day everyone!!

Winnie: I spilled the beans! take care & c u soon.

sailing at the weekend!

Whoohoo! i sailed today and yesterday (saturday) great fun! not sailed since the start of the year.
i think i've found a nice weight for me to sail at. which i wont say. haha! saturday was moderate. nice little breeze and i happily moved along. i sailed fairly well and finished around 4th to 6th for each race on average. sunday was the highlight. i finished one race first. i started somewhere at the back, fought my way up till 6th for the up wind leg, rounded the bottom mark 3rd and finished 1st. the downwind helped me a lot. the big waves really help the boat to surf and make it somewhat easier to link waves. mind you, the waves were quite close to each other. haha!
off to homework now. bye bye!

thoughts

i wonder what God is saying to me. today was trying. been questioning everything including my faith. and when i opened my bible the first thing i saw was Psalm 55. Perhaps its reassurance. wonder what his plan for me. Last year was very interesting. i wonder how this year will be. i wanna learn to surrender everything more fully, call on him at all times and gain more understanding and a closer walk with him.

i'm not doing much now.. not really feeling.. just waiting, watching and trying to hear His voice and what He wants to tell me. What i do know is that i have to listen more and not let my feelings rule and i have to let go of everything and surrender it all to God... All this i find is very hard. but i'm learning i think.

I played games on sunday.. last time i'll play with Hui Ling for a long time.. gonna miss her when she goes back to uni. Seeing Hui Ling and her family at dinner at the Novena Peach Garden with Granddad. Sadly, Mums not free so she wont be coming along. Gguess i'll have to find my own way there.

oh yeah! Granddad got back yesterday from a preeching trip with Uncle Pong and Auntie Elsie.

For Mr Humphrey Soh

Heyy! u should know this one *pink panther music needed her*

what happened?? well...

Sneak out of the house like a mouse with a dog


hahahahah!

quick entry b4 class starts

i'm not thinking... i'm just waiting, dreaming and praying...

about time i started mugging.. bleagh.. didnt do so well for physics got 64%.. i might fail chem... aww well... its my worst subject but i guess i'll have to work harder at it.

off to class...

why oh why?

dear diary...

today, school was nice.. had fun, played badminton *rather badly* but it was fun. was a little late for physics and Yee sze ling like screwed me over and scolded me? like hello!! i was only 2 minutes late? people have been 15 mins late and u dun do anything! get a life! or just stay in the machine.

anyway... today right infront of my own two eyes, my Dad went through everything on my desk including my notebook and drawers. i asked him," Why are you going through my stuff?"

"BECAUSE I HAVE THE RIGHT TO!" came the reply and an angry glare with fire in his eyes that would burn me alive if i said anymore. bleagh.. i mean like.. can i have some space? a little privacy will be nice! i'm not a 3 year old kid u know? ugh.. hate it.. my friends so far that i spoke to are not exactly helping either.. i thought i was growing up until today. i feel reduced, depressed, shrunken and pushed into a little bottle. my brother didnt have his bag or desk going through when he was my age. why me? is it because i'm the youngest child? come on la... equality please! its really horrible la. one bad thing after another...

wheres the eternal peace i felt yesterday and many times before? dunno la... sometimes i wish i could wake up and find it is all a dream. Where is the love i got from my family when i was still in primary school. i feel it much anymore. Mum comes home late, dad dun really spend much time with me or talk to me about interlectual topics. when i talked to him about the IRs, he was like *long pause* i think its a bad idea and little phrases as answers with long pauses in between. My brother is out a lot of the time and i don't even know how well he is doing in school.. aww well..



An Ren